Long Day

It has been a long day. So busy. I didn't get to go on my jog cuz i could not get a sitter. Oh well, I went to Millers BBQ with my mom instead. I was very good. I split a kids meal with my kiddos so I didnt eat too much. I am very tired though. My house is soooooo clean and smells so good. Doc got my back to move so now it feels much better so I can screw it back up again tomoro when I go jogging. I WILL GO!!! I may just have to go to the track and take the girls in the wagon and force myself to keep a good pace. We'll see how that goes. I am looking forward to the Beach to Bay marathon and how I will feel so accomplished. I know when I get done with my 4-5 miles I feel more alert than ever befor. I love it , it is like a high I guess, though I wouldnt know what a high feels like, unless you count tylonol PM or my psych meds!! Which I no longer have to take, thank You Jesus!!!!

I have learned over the last year that the best thing for me to do is to tell my story and let people know what I have been through. Now that doesnt mean I am going to go up to random strangers and say "Hi! I am Alli and I am OCD, clinically depressed, have PPD, and anxiety disorder, previously medicated, currently seeing a loony doc, and almost offed myself!" No way! I have to know a person a while before I share, but I have found by sharing that there are many more people out there like me, or versions of me. It also opened up my own families eyes to our genetic makup and how all of this runs in the family. No one would ever talk about it so we all felt alone. Big mistake IMO.

I know there are groups online for people like me, but I would really like to find one that is local, and with people I know. I was part of a group for people with anxiety disorder, but the book they were reading was so old, and they were all grandparents I couldn't relate, so I quit. IDK, maybe I should start my own support group. It is an idea I have had for a while, but I don't know where to begin or what to do. I also feel that there should be a Mother's ministry at my church, and not just a Women's ministry. Don't get me wrong, Women's ministry definitly has a purpose and a good one at that, but a mother has a completely different mental and even chemical makeup than that of a woman without children. The needs of mothers are not being met, and in the "motherhood community" there are sooooooooo many divisions that are unnecisary. BF moms agains FF moms and vise versa. Even moms who say that any form of c-section is laziness (crazy huh? thank goodness there are very very few of them. let me just say that those of you who do believe that, if i had not had a c-section i probably would be dead and not here for you to hate on me).

Man , my brain is on overdrive!! hahaha, better shut it down for now before it burns up!