Creeping

As excited as I have been about going off my meds, I may be calling my doc tomorrow to go back on them. I have been feeling that feeling creep back up slowly this last week and I have been ignoring it, but after Friday night I can't ignore it anymore. I am in a constant state of panic again, and I hate it. Friday night I had either a back ache that made my stomach hurt or vice versa, well it hurt so bad I felt like I was going to throw up and it kept me up all night long, it is gone now and I feel fine, except my mind won't stop thinking about it. I automatically think worse case senarios. It is my main OCD symptom. I am pretty sure it was my back making my stomach hurt cuz I had done 4 miles in 1 hour dragging 60 + extra pounds behind me. My mom has had such bad back problems (and it was back she saw a doc) she thought she was having a heart attack. So this is genetic, but I can't stop thinking about it. I am shaking non stop, my hands and feet feel funny, I don't want Jeremy to go to work, I'm not eating again, I don't sleep, and all I do is cry. I feel like I am back to square one, and all because I was stupid enough to think that I was all better and could do it without meds. Well, now I need to put on a fake smile because I have to go host a baby shower. And please if you are going to comment on anything about this post do it about the depression or anxiety or psych meds, not the back or stomach pain or what you think it could be cuz that will make me worse, and don't tell me in person either, thanx for your support.